ca. 1993-2000

My Vivid Imagination

Florescent lights -- romantic, huh?
Is this the time or place
To take you, even though we might 
Fall down this ten flight staircase?

We've only met -- amusing, no?
If they saw us tonight!
(Granted they're likely doing the same
Without the florescent light.)

Abolish Staircases
Advocate the installation of ramps.
Satisfy the screaming knees:
Indulge me, stop the pain.

Seven short minutes to seal my doom:
Seven short minutes to die.
Seven short minutes to mail my doom --
Don't even try it in June.

(They grow, you know.
They grow.
Mount Everest on foot in Seven minutes.)

Abolish Staircases
Advocate the installation of ramps.
Satisfy the screaming knees: 
Indulge me, stop the pain.

Looking at the glass panes of the back door,
I can't see out at all.
At 2:41 in the morning,
All I can see is myself.

My posture is awful, and my coffee is cold,
And tomorrow I work early. 
But obstinately I type
And like to think you are here.

Quite honestly, you're in New York;
Odds are slim you're here.
In my vivid imagination,
You're reading over my shoulder.

A Marriage of Souls and Wardrobes
(In the style of Emily Dickenson)
(Sort of)

The sparkle of his purple shirt
Is still in my minds eye.
I knew at once when I saw him
Together we would fly.

The color of the Royalty 
Concealed his smooth white chest --
Refreshing was the Purple that would
Put my Soul to rest.

More about the shirt:  It was
The color of my mind.
The natural combed cotton 
On a torso fairly lined.

As he grew near, anticipation 
Rang out; I could feel
His breath as he appraised me:
"I like your shirt -- it's teal!"

Torrential Downpourings

Now and then (particularly now)
I understand that I shouldn't be here.
Rain is different in New York;
I'm sure of that right now.

A small Texas town of little consequence;
A girl of sixteen is out of her element.
And speaking of elements, they aren't being kind.
She can't even sit outside.

On days like these, I am far away,
Far, far away from where I should be.
My backyard is not exactly Central Park,
And I'd get sick if were I out there.

"Plantlife is not for me," she muttered.
"I wasn't allergic in New York
And the rain up there was different --
I wanted to stay inside."

G-nawing My K-nees

Fun! with Whitewashing of the Mind

Everybody wants freedom, and
Freedom wants a leader, so
Allow me to volunteer myself.
Deep inside you need direction,
Come and visit me tonight;
I think you seem pretty cool.

Step into my house, take off
Your shoes and socks, have a cup
Of coffee; have a seat right there.
The love seat is your throne tonight,
I worship you with all my heart;
I think you seem pretty cool.

You may be suspicious, but
You respect my wishes, so
Chew your knees; Pronounce the Silent K.
Everybody knows a girl like me
And soon you might know two or three
Or more, when the world's my clone.

So tell me 'bout your parents, and
Tell me 'bout your boyfriend, 'cause
I think he seems pretty cool.
And if you don't want to talk 
About it, that's okay with me --
Trust me when I say I understand.

You may be suspicious, but 
You respect my wishes to
Convince you to pronounce the Silent K.
If you think that brainwashing is 
Not an art, then all the better.
Step inside -- You seem pretty cool.

I'll ask you lots of questions to which
I know all the answers. I'll 
Even lend you some of my CD's. 
You are just like me when I was
Young like you; Trust me -- When
I was your age, I was pretty cool.

You may be suspicious, but 
You respect my wishes, so
Chew your knees; Pronounce the Silent K.
Everybody knows a girl like me
And soon you might know two or three
Or more, when the world's my clone.

You should know I love you
When I forgive you for falling asleep at the wheel
When you were taking me home 
On your way to your piano lesson
Which you were attending 
Even though you hadn't slept in three days
Because of you Biology paper 
On the Human Genome Project.

If I didn't love you, I wouldn't have given 
My last NO-DOZ to you when I really needed it
(Because I hadn't slept in four days)
To make it through another sleepless night. 

Finally free from influence,
I repress the urge to summon It back
And I reclude into a Happy Hole.
Reclusion; I am no longer a shell of 
Resistance, repression --
They have left me, but they have not 
Abandoned me.
They have merely set me free,
And I like it.
An irridescent film of residual cheer
Reflects and refracts emotion about my
And sweet strains of a melody 
Play upon my ears
And I like it.
Isolated, but not Alienated,
I am Happy.
I never have to leave.

Oh, well
by Christy and Susan 

I never expected to see you in Pittsburgh,
I never expected to see you in Hell.
I never expected to see you in English
Because I know how you really can't spell.

I wish I hadn't told you my secret;
I know you're going to tell.
I wish I hadn't sold you the rights
That you convinced me to sell.

Six minutes left until we are late;
Six minutes until the bell.
(We would have been on time to class 
If Susan hadn't tripped and fallen.)

Palindromatic reflections on lamps and elves

Observe me regarding mankind.
See you knowing all.
Was I ever there?
I was thinking of Birth, the
Dawn of Time,
the "Is it always me?" solace.
Can you think you do not know evils?
Able not are surely those Unaware.
Those surely are not.
Able evils know not.
Do you think you can solace me always?
It is the time of dawn, 
The birth of thinking.
Was I there ever?
I was all-knowing.
You see mankind regarding me.

Animated Eros, exhilarating pillar of perfection --
Your virtu strikes a chord of anticipation that
Leaves me wanting to touch your hair, paint your toenails blue,
And explore the Dog living under your hat.

I think that your eyes are grey unless you're wearing green or blue,
Behind them I see Apollo Cry.
But even though you're twice my age and eternally Nineteen
I love you for what's just above your tie.

Because you are my other self, and you drank my Perrier, and
Finished my other grapefruit half.
You just play your trumpet for me, smile and speak with those grey eyes 
Like mine, and always make me laugh.

A messy bedroom, two attractive men, 
A girl and her dilemma: "What to do?"
One is hot for her, the other not --
She finds the question isn't "what," but "Who?"

(Forty weeks and seven hours
The days are stumbling by 
And I stumble too to catch them.)

In the days of idle coyness,
You let me waste your time.
Now flirtation is a struggle.

And however far life takes you,
I'll race you all the way.
You've inspired me to match you.

(I'll be waiting at the finish 
To meet you at the end.
You won't even see me panting.)

Falling Asleep On Beth's Futon While Bryan Quotes His Favorite Movie

A calm voice lulls me to sleep, and
it is yours.
A dialogue of its own that cannot be touched.
Pricles of flesh stand tall on my 
arms, but I do not feel the draft in the air.
Instead, a bolt of white heat
Surges through my arm.
I am paralyzed; I cringe not.
Sleep steals my mind, piece by piece.
We are still here, but I can feel 
the Starry Warmth of the speakers 
in your
With your warm shoulder under my chin,
And my arm is already asleep.

I Interfaced With Death

I was exploring the Menendez case
On the Weekly News Online
When I chose to try to interface 
With someone who knew the crime.

"Who knows more about this deed?"
(The question posed was mine.)
The reply: "I specialize directly."
-- Death was on the line!

"Have you come to take my soul?
Am I doomed to the inferno?"
I held my breath and double-clicked.
The waiting was eternal!

"I didn't mean to scare you," Death coaxed.
"Fear your fate no more.
I was simply misdirected --
I wanted Sunday's football scores!"

Very Sad

I could cry because you left me,
But actually you moved,
And I know you couldn't help it.

I guess actually you could have --
Your brother stayed behind.
But you really love your family.

And I taught myself to juggle,
And other things you do,
Such as visiting Espresso bars.

(I can't even call your number
To hang up when it rings
Because that would be long distance.)

Yikes! Stripes! Fruit Strip Congressmen!

I always knew I'd grow to hate you, and
I was always sure you felt the same, and
I just slept with your best friend, and
She was even better than you said.

I always felt that you're below me, but
I always put up with that despite, but
Now I'm as sure as I ever will be, and
You can't ever change my mind.

You know, I never thought you were that pretty, and
I always lied about your looks, and
Everytime you said you thought you looked fat, well
Secretly, I agreed with you.

You see, you're not nearly anything I ever wanted, but
Girls like you are all alike.
If I ever tried to think I liked you, well
It's more of a crime to just lie to yourself.

First I lost my luggage -- and then
Minutes later I lost my future
Up north.

I also lost my hopes of leaving town -- and now
I'm out of money to do it
With you.

And what a twist of fate -- the idea
It was mine at first, but now I've sold 
The rights.

And on a bus somewhere, holding the
Green suitcase, I've managed to be losing
You, too.

I said I was wrong
Didn't mean it at all --
More like I was wronged..
I'm on your good side
-- Give me a call --
Tell me you were wrong.

I'd drive right over, but
the ditch is full of rain..
The road is too damn narrow!
Toll the hour, tell the world
I'll write my congressman
And tell him you were wrong.

My picture on the wall
Doesn't reflect my mood;
I'd driven off the road that day.
Make your bed, put on a shirt,
Take the underwear off your head,
Why am I even here?

You can let me into the door of your life
But I'll still have to peek in the windows of the past.
Driving down a desolate two lane road at night,
if I break down, will anyone find me?

Should I try to push my way in, 
or remain a mystery,
or let nature take its course?
Can I still find love while I'm digging through the pain?

Maybe the truth lies in my heart
You never fool yourself, and I knew all along;
Some ideas are good only at the start,
Sometimes reality can be harsh.

No one lets go, and no one forgets a fondness --
if I touch you, will you remember?
Do you fondle the past with more love than me?
Do I stand a chance?

I'd understand if you looked pissed
--I'd get out of your hair.
I'd understand if you were smiling;
That would mean you really care.

But what does it mean when you step on my heel?
Is that the way you flirt?
Or was it out of malice?
because it didn't really hurt..

I wish I understood you --
you're a mystery to me...

Red roses stand for love
I know as well as you..
And a yellow bouquet 
Symbolizes truth.

But you gave me an eggroll!!
Do you mean to kid??
Just don't leave one in my mailbox;
I'd be insulted if you did!

I'd like to understand you ~
you're intentions aren't so clear..  

her feet are bigger
but she left her shoes here
and i can't help but wear them
and she's in new york
far away from me and her shoes
so nothing is going to stop me

I can read the writing on the wall

Squinting through the light blue glass
The words will catch my eye
Lettering the light blue bricks
The press here never lies

And you're not squinting through the 
light ~ blue ~ glass
The words aren't catching your eye
Lettering the light blue bricks
The verse spells out goodbye.

And facing outward past the scape
And looking down the hall
Your eyes will spot the long blond hair
And mine -- the writing on the wall.

My paralyzed hand will touch my blue lenses
And my mind will finger the past
My paralyzed soul will realize
I've seen the world through blue colored glass.

But you're not squinting through the 
light ~ blue ~ glass
The words aren't catching your eye
Your gaze has now fallen on the 
light ~ blue ~ eyes
And mine upon the writing on the wall.

I wear your skirt to sleep tonight
And have wandered through my house
All evening, wishing I had you (without your skirt, which I could lose)
hanging on my hips.

It hangs off of my hips, when it should
Be hugging your ivory belly
Clinging to your waist
And falling down your velvet legs
Kissing on your ankles.

There's a pair of yellow panties with
Your name on them, and they
Are sleeping in my drawer
And I almost wore them to school today
To feel closer to you.

To feel closer, although you are so
Far away from us today.
Can you really not feel the miles
That stretch between you and your panties
And me, in your skirt?

There's a time and a place for everything (and it's called 'college')


It's just like the story when the girl is in her apartment
Talking to her boyfriend on the phone
He won't listen, and she tells him the same things
Over and Over
Because he's hurting her, the asshole
He can't hear her crying?

Everyone wants to get laid
They don't care if she doesn't shower
Because that isn't the important part.

Might I break my schedule?
To go to your friend's house and
Watch her try to tap dance 
On a picnic table?

I don't want to be the responsible one
And I want you to notice.
Some of them are pissed off, and the
Others won't see them there
And all the while anyone can fall in love with anyone.

My days are frames runaway
i can only hope to snatch random pieces
Of it, listening to my mind
Roll down the tracks.
One of these days, I'll learn to be an honest person
The one I want to be
Everyone sneaks aruond
They're doing it right now
And their lovers have the short end of the deal.

I'll listen to conversations with the freedom to
Enjoy it.
And everyone will understand the truth.
Universal perception
We all want something else
And the cloud of smoke obscures your lonely soul.

I went outside with your best friend
And we smoked a joint behind your back
We talked about you; occasionally we laughed.
It was such a Moment,
I felt like it was summer
The dress I wore was flowered and poetic.

Not pathetic, that's not what I said
Sinatra's golden voice obscures the truth.
I didn't say I wanted it
One girl is enough
And all this time I never saw her eyes.

Love is so objective that
You could be my valentine
I'd enjoy if all the same, if I desire.
The headphones in my ear
Speak lying words of love
And the truth is in the rafters there.

Round and silver her hair falls like diamonds
Her curvy hips enchant me,
The day was clear and blue
I couldn't see the lines
But I knew that they'd been crossed
And her dress kissed my ankles so smooth.

Her face told me she craved the curves
And the flesh I had to offer
I heard the thunder when she was noticed by God
He was not more than annoyed, assuredly.
But enough of that, her presence was gentle
And the news told us long before in spite.

Her games were sweet and we knew them before
Her string of pearls kissed her breasts
And what she called an upsweep only looked fancy to me
And what she said hurt her feet just made me hot.
The alcohol did it too, and she was fanning her face
with the coaster cool and damp.

Now and then, she'd catch up to herself
And briefly attempt to make a comparison
And the band played on in her head
She wondered how she got there, with a glance back
And wondered, was this the her she knew?
All day.

And all my friends at home saw into my grief
They jumped and picked and griped.
I couldn't hide my past, and my soul was written 
There on my face, to their dismay
I think they learned to understand 
And they never picked after that day.

Some evenings, late in the kitchen, 
She thumbed that old hawthorne novel
And marveled at the natural young girl
Who was so much like her charming piano man.
She fingered her string of pearls,
and remembers what they understand.

Everyone's the mystery
And hunger probes the back of their throats
They give away themselves, wonder where they're left
and phones the bus stations and laundromats.
Only one wish for each coin,
The red sock falls and falls.

She unlaces the corset she wears for effect
And wonders why she cares
Late in her room the moon is too much
She swallows her pills and takes a drink
Stretched out on her bed
She is where she wants to be.

The sun overhead in the first part of spring
Which was high so very high this afternoon
Turned me into a tipsy dreaming fool
And now I stare at the high high moon

The high high moon it lights up the trees
That are too puny and really are a joke
And it looks massive compared to this city
It's ugly and puny and dirty and old

And I haven't been around for that long
But the high high moon and I go way way way back
When she was the only one who could help me
And we drank some water and pulled up some trees until the sun came back

And now the sparks are underground
Where any fool and sit on them and stare at the sky
Like some kind of tipsing dreamy fool
Who watches the shapes and never even asks why. 

[27] Pie-eyed 
Wavy-hair Slippery-eel That's the way you make me feel. Somewhat-sliced Imagined-rats, Seagulls, Ocean, T-shirts, Hats. How Now Lao's Tao It's the me and you show now. The say the madman's on the street But are you mad if you're not complete? Dolphins, Toothpaste, Cosmos, Stained Glass, Slightly-spun Across-socket-present-past. Sprinkling-skied Reality-influenced-Juice It's you and me who are on the loose. Anchors, Headers, Targets, Frames These are things that fill the brain. Presumably-anchored, Maybe-sniped, And candles are the only light. If you were here you'd give me a buzz Almost-there, Psyche-slapped Anomoly-eaten Always-was. [28] Disjointed Psyche swings the hinges Do you know yourself? Do I know your gaps? Are you just a quaint but dripping watercolor in my eyes? Psychic superbowl, hinges You say you know yourself Some change slips through the cracks But you are just a quaint but dripping watercolor in my eyes Yin or yang, my eyes, my eyes Follow me into the spiral Disjointed you say, fire to your lips You look pretty jointed to me. Door swings on the hinges Do you know yourself? Sometimes you think you know But sometimes you're just not the you you once thought you were.... An umbrella that collapses You just like the shade And I can't see your eyes Your carnival ride of psychic joy is like an elbow or knee Pliers, wrench, or handcuff Was this the him he knew? He saw him through her eyes Your carnival ride of ecstatic angst is like a nose to me. In my eyes, your melting face is all I can see In your eyes, you're not the you you were once thought to be.... [29] Your big nose in my face again Never thought I'd miss your chin Holes burned in your canvas shoes Your stories funnier than my blues More than one middle path And they've intersected at last Never thought it could be so I never thought I'd miss your nose Burn holes in me with your canvas shoes Kick me with your eyes Your fingers intoxicate me too But please don't make me realize Nothing's the same but your face Out of place in my place Lovely visit Buddha man I feel you now, I know your plan I feel your face, I feel your nose I hear your dreams, that's how it goes Listen to whispers in the stars See your long lost dog in a bar. Don't think I want you, i'd rather die Maybe I do and that was a lie You get me weak, I get you high Your fucking mouth makes me want to cry. ( be continued?) [30] I think you're almost holy. I think I'm underwater. Together we make wine One foot in heaven and one in hell. I make you lose your cool. You still make me want to cry (It's your fucking smile, remember?) You make me want to dance. Your bony face is stuck in my mind And I'm out of words to describe you, Like an empty change purse turned inside out Shaking my head and my hips. [31]Poem for Don My man He's such a geek. There he is, with his cron, grep, awk, perl, and fully journaling meta-data support, recompiling his kernel. [32] Like a starling perching on a crane, The world is my domain. The people look like ants But they all have your name. [33] I exist! I just figured out that I exist! I'm not just a bad dream I'm not just a myth. I just figured out that I'm late for work! I finished my crossword I just had a smoke Confessed to my goldfish That my job is a joke. I just figured out That they're after me! It's not just a bad dream It's not just TV. Does this mean I'm mad without hope? I should cancel my insurance and stay home from work? I think not. Therefore, I aren't. Back to the fresh stuff..